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Happy Birthday Buddy!

The most difficult thing about losing you is that after 22 years of putting you first, meeting your needs and often your desires, loving you more than myself and supporting you in your endeavors, it became a part of my identity and a part of my life’s purpose. How does that change over night? How can I no longer operate as your mom?

I don’t know if my prayers for you are needed, but I need to do something for you, so I will continue to pray for your welfare and happiness. I am confident I will see you again and you will always be my son. I know it in my heart and I will never let go of this hope that drives me to keep going daily to do the best I can.

The pain from missing you is just as intense as it was in the beginning. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be normal again. I can only lean on my Father in Heaven for so much, because for some reason I am meant to feel this pain. Please help me to know that one day, it will all make sense. It has to make sense! Happy Birthday my beautiful son! I miss you so much.