It’s been 11 months today and I still selfishly want you back. I still can’t figure out why it seems impossible for you to be gone, yet you are. Jake, there is nobody else in my life who is like you, and that has left a huge void that nobody can fill. Should I have had more children? Would I have had another one to lean on, to help me? My mind sometimes wonders, but any of your siblings would have their own grief to deal with, leaving them unavailable to me. I feel selfish in expressing these feelings. I still feel so alone. Will the pain ever lessen? Should I be able to focus on the positive and remember the good times and remove the pain? I want to, but the pain that comes with your absence is often unbearable.

I often think about the “supposed to’s”. I don’t think it’s a helpful thing to do, but it’s probably normal. You were supposed to come home. You were learning about who you are, so that you could chose a career and learn and grow. I was supposed to be “Oma” to your children. I dreamed about who they would be, and often thought about how fun cousins are for kids. Your sister’s kids were supposed to love and play with yours. I was supposed to have all of you together for holidays and summertime at my house. I was supposed to have more time with you, Jake. I wasn’t supposed to lose you. You were supposed to outlive me.

Each day is different. Some days, I can walk by your picture on the wall, smile and say, “Hi Buddy”, and other days that same picture stops me in my tracks and I break down. I know what you would want. I know you want me to smile, to remember you and have faith that all is well. I want so much to feel that way every single day, but it’s just not possible. Will I be able to one day move through my days smiling, absent from the break in my heart? I want that so badly. I want to have a normal day, but the truth is that life will never be normal again. Not for me.

I will visit the nursing home today and get to the grocery store.., and these things help me to feel as if I’m still living life. It’s not the life I wanted, but I promise I will keep trying to be strong, because sometimes when I’m crying, in my mind I hear you say, “Mom, don’t be sad. Everything is okay. I’m doing great.” I will keep trying for you, Jake. I will move forward with the faith that you are doing well, always remembering that I will see you again, and loving you deeply with every moment of every day.

Hey Buddy,

Sergeant Techera and his wife had a baby boy! He was born less than 11 months after his dad was involved in the helicopter crash with you, so I guess he’s considered a “deployment baby”. I finally got to meet him. It’s hard to remember you being this small, but what I do remember is how much I loved being your mom and how much I loved raising you. You brought me joy from the first day I met you, and that joy never stopped and never will. I wonder if there will be other Jacobs. I’m guessing there will be considering how much everyone loved you and how much everyone always will.

“

Wow, Today was an incredible day. The only thing missing was you. One of the baseball fields you played on your entire childhood was dedicated and named after you! Although the rain threatened our event, the weather held out long enough! All the teams attended in uniform. The honor guard was there from the Thornton Police Department. Some were the same men who performed the flag ceremony when your casket was flown from Dover, Delaware to Arvada, Colorado. I thanked them. There was a balloon release for you. The balloons were red, white and blue, and many of the players tied small American flags to the strings. Many wrote words of thanks on their before sending their balloons up to you!

Here are the words that were spoken by the Little League President:

Jake was born 07/14/1992 in Louisville, CO.  He was raised in Thornton, CO attended Eagle View elementary, Rocky Top middle school and graduated from Horizon, High school in May, 2011.  He attended Front Range Community College in 2011 and 2012.

Jake’s first love with sports was always baseball.  He loved it as a little league player, and a fan.  He played baseball his entire childhood.

As a young teenager, Jake believed his calling someday was to serve his country, and in May, 2013, he realized that goal by joining the US Army.   He attended basic training at Fort Benning, GA, and graduated as a proud infantryman in August, 2013, where he was assigned to the 4^th Infantry Division at Ft. Carson, CO.   1^st Battalion, 12^th Infantry, Alpha Company.

Because he showed a high level of proficiency and skill as a soldier, Jake was chosen to be one of a select few to join an Arial Reactionary Force to fly on Blackhawks supporting combat missions in Afghanistan.  In January, 2013, Jake’s Alpha company was deployed to the Zabul province in Afghanistan, where they joined the “Red Warriors” task force operating out of Forward Operating Base Apache.  Since that time, Jake was dispatched on countless chase missions and support operations assisting both NATO forces and Afghan National Security troops in contact engagements and medical emergencies.

On May 28, 2014, Jake was dispatched on a medi-evac rescue mission with his squad-mates, and made the ultimate sacrifice, giving his life when his helicopter crashed.  We grieve his loss and thank Jacob for his service and sacrifice.

Jake’s infantry Commander in Afghanistan,   Lieutenant Colonel William Voorhes  said of him…….

“Never one to complain, Jake’s smile and presence kept his squad and platoon’s moral high. Also a prankster and practical joker by nature, his sense of humor enabled others to laugh at him, and in turn laugh at themselves in tense and anxious moments. This soldier seemed to defeat fear with his mere presence. A rarity for someone so junior in rank, but very senior in heart and courage.  PFC Wykstra was a great soldier, but he was an even better human being. I hold him in the highest regard as a professional soldier, and a person. His service to this nation – exemplary. His training proficiency and aptitude – the top 1%. His potential for future responsibility and leadership – without bounds. His notoriety, attitude, and laughter among his peers – infectious. His squad mates loved him – and he them. GK Chesterson’s quotation best represents Jake when he said, “The true soldier fights not because he hates what’s in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him”. 

His family thanks you for your support and asks that we remember and pray for all our troops and their families as they give selflessly to our country and to others across this globe, in support of freedom.”

The guys from your platoon were there. We spent the entire day together at your sister’s house. I kept thinking, “Jake should be here”. I think you were. Although it was difficult to speak in front of this crowd, I managed to do it without crying. I did choke up for a moment, but I stayed strong for you! These are my words:

“I want to introduce the wonderful men who were deployed with Jake. These men were his brothers in Afghanistan, they were with him when he was killed, many were wounded and many worked to recover Jake’s body so that he could be returned home to us. Please join us in thanking them for their courage and willingness to serve our great nation, allowing us our freedom… And we, Jake’s family thank you for the love and friendship you showed him. We love you and will always keep a special place in our hearts and prayers for each one of you.

Jake was a great son, husband, brother and friend to many. He loved his family and friends and he had so many friends in his 21 years of life! He was a prankster and had an awesome sense of humor. He loved nothing more than to make people laugh and to raise the spirits of those around him. He was one of those who lived each day to the fullest.

Jake could light up a room with his bright blue eyes and his contagious smile. His fellow squad mates have said that even in stressful situations, his strong faith, his smile and sense of humor could steady them and keep morale high. Jake’s personality was huge and his talents were diverse. He was an accomplished artist who loved to sketch and paint. He enjoyed skateboarding, snowboarding, football, rugby and playing his guitar, BUT most of all, “baseball was life!”

It was a bit nerve racking, but I managed to speak as well, and did so without crying. I hope you knew how hard it was, and I hope you were proud of me because I sure am proud of you! This is what I said:

“Jake started playing for NLL when he was five years old and continued to play here at these very fields until he played his freshman year at Horizon High School. (If you haven’t seen his photos along the fence line, I encourage you to see them on the way out). This organization and the time Jake spent on these fields greatly influenced his life. He made friends here, he learned to accept the wisdom of his coaches, even the rare times when he didn’t agree. He learned about winning and losing and that life isn’t always fair. He learned to work hard to improve himself, to compete and most of all, he learned to have fun! We are so grateful for this organization and the opportunity it gave Jake to learn to fall in love with the great American past time.

As parents, we all use bribery to some extent. It’s no secret that schoolwork wasn’t Jake’s favorite thing, especially homework, but if I promised a game of catch after homework, it usually got done. As he got older he often worried that his throwing would hurt my hands, but I happily endured it, because of the fun we had. Jake’s dad spent hours with him, working on his batting and pitching. These special memories will forever be engraved in our hearts because of the joy this sport brought to our precious son. For us, Jake and baseball are synonymous.

We rarely received phone calls from Afghanistan, so when we actually got to hear Jake’s voice, we were thrilled. I especially remember the time he called with a bit more excitement than usual. He said, “Hey Mom, we have baseball gloves!” We talked for a bit about who he played catch with and so on, but one part of the conversation especially touched my heart. He said, “When I’m throwing the ball, I feel like I’m back home again. For a short time, it makes me forget about this war.” It seems baseball was a “happy place” for Jake, no matter where he was and for this we are grateful.

We want to thank the NLL, the many coaches and fellow players who, over the years influenced Jake’s love for baseball. Thank you all for coming to honor our boy, right here at the home town fields he loved so much!”

It was a busy day with lots of laughter, a few tears but mostly smiles! The next day, after church I felt compelled to go back to the field on my own. I sat in your bleachers, as a team practiced on your field. The sights, sounds and smells were all so familiar. I felt as if you were there with me. I think this truly is your place. I can’t wait to go back next month and watch a game on your very own field!

I miss you, Buddy. More than you can imagine, but I am trying to do the things that are right so I can be with you again. I love you, Jake.

Here is the link to the news report (the first and 3rd pictures aren’t even you, but they are other fallen soldiers, so we will welcome them to your news story!)

http://www.9news.com/story/life/2015/04/18/little-league-dedicates-field-to-fallen-thornton-soldier/26008161/

Jake!

The situation with the “Wall of Honor” has been resolved! It turns out that the advisor from the veteran’s association gave poor advice to the school district. This advisor’s brother is on the wall and because he received a Purple Heart, he wanted all heroes on the wall to be Purple Heart recipients. He told the school district that you are not considered KIA unless you have a Purple Heart which is clearly not true. My casualty assistance officer called the school district and cleared this up quickly! Here is the wonderful response we got…

Thornton VMAC

Ms. Katzenbach and Mr. Wykstra,

My deepest apologies for the misunderstanding regarding the criteria surrounding the memorial plaque.  It was never anyone’s intent to cause any additional pain for you, your families, or friends.  I have the highest regard for those who serve our country, as my father also served in Korea, and I have always admired those that have sacrificed for all of us.

I see KIA here, don’t you?

Jake,

I sit in disbelief and feel completely helpless. Our country, your state and your small town have worked so hard to honor you and as I’ve said before, it’s not over yet. We still have the Little League season opener next week when a field will be named after you. In May we will attend the ceremony adding your name to the granite wall at the entrance of Ft. Carson, listing last year’s casualties. The problem is, I don’t know what will happen after that. Will you still be remembered? You have no descendants to remember you. What happens when we’re all gone? I can’t bear it. This year will end and then what?

This week has been especially upsetting. For the first time, a group refuses to honor you. Your school district (the one I taught in for so many years) will not be putting your name on the “Wall of Honor” at the Veteran’s Memorial Aquatic Center because a small Thornton organization is telling us that you are not KIA. That putting your name up there might reduce the integrity of the wall. Instead, you’ll get a brick outside in the garden. I am so upset and I feel so helpless.

Your Dad and your sister have joined me in fighting for you, but I am feeling defeated. You never like school anyway, so I shouldn’t worry about them. You are probably not surprised but I am in shock. The emails are as follows:

My son Jacob Henry Wykstra was killed in action 10 months ago in Maruf Afghanistan. He was selected from the infantry to be in a small medevac unit, trained to recover casualties and wounded soldiers from all NATO countries within the combat zones of Afghanistan. On May 28, 2014, Jake’s team was dispatched to recover Afghani casualties. Upon approach, the helicopter hit a dark communications tower and went down. There were 14 wounded and my son was the only casualty, as the Blackhawk landed on him crushing his body.

In January, in Jake’s hometown, a friend of mine, Doug Forsyth was at the Veterans Memorial Aquatic Center in our hometown and asked when Jacob Wykstra’s plaque would be installed. He was given Mr. Webber’s email address from the school district that owns the aquatic center. He sent the inquiry and this is what he received:

———- Forwarded message ———-  From:  Rob Webber-ESC

Hello Mr. Forsythe, your question was forwarded to me from Tammy at the VMAC.

Here is the background.  First thank you for your interest in honoring Jake.

We have been working with the Thornton Veterans Association who helps us identify those Adams 12 Students honored on the wall.  When we opened the VMAC and put the wall in to honor Veterans it was determined that the wall would be reserved for those that have been designated KIA, MIA, DWRIA.  The designation for Jake does not meet that requirement, however we will be honoring Jake with a brick in his name at the Memorial outside of the facility, there will be a ceremony later this Winter or early Spring.  We have been in contact with the Wykstra family to ensure we honor their privacy and recognize their feelings in whatever we do.   We will also be convening a group to discuss how we honor those Adams 12 Alumnae that have been killed or died during their service to the country, however did not meet the above designations.  I believe we may end up with another wall with a plaque and name plates identifying those Adams 12 Alumnae that died during their service to their country.

I hope this provides the information you were requesting.  If you have further questions please feel free to contact me at the number below.

Thanks again for your interest in Honoring Jake Wykstra.

Rob Webber

—–Original Message—– From: Hannah Rose

—-Original Message—– From: Tom Wykstra

• Jake is designated as KIA by the Army – it says “KIA” on his headstone at Fort Logan, which (it’s my understanding) cannot be inscribed on the headstone unless the Army approves it
• Jake was killed on May 28, at 11:38 p.m. when his platoon was assigned a mission to fly on a Blackhawk and medevac rescue a wounded International Security Force soldier.  The Blackhawk crashed attempting to land at the medevac site.  Seems pretty clear this is a combat mission?
• Jake was awarded the Bronze Star because he was killed in a combat zone on a combat mission   303-324-7880  —–Original Message—–  From: Jim Branaugh < jimbranaugh@yahoo.com>  To: Tom Wykstra < tomwcfe@aol.com>  Sent: Tue, Apr 7, 2015 5:15 pm  Subject: Re: Adams 12 contact
• Tom Wykstra, Gold Star Father of PFC Jacob Wykstra
• Please advise the Principle of Horizon and others at Adams 12 who are involved in this that our family would like to be included on any ceremony in which Jake is honored at the aquatics center.    We appreciate your consideration and ask that you continue to help us honor and remember Jake. Thanks.
• Last question – who designates “the criteria” for this wall??  Is it you – is it the full board of the Thornton Veteran’s Memorial Foundation?   The Mayor of Thornton and the full City Council have recognized Jake as a hero, and his sacrifice, so if the decision is to NOT include Jake on the fallen hero’s wall, we would like to appeal.
• Are you stating that in order to be on the “Fallen Hero’s Wall” inside the building, then he must be awarded the Purple Heart??  Jake has not been awarded the Purple Heart (yet – still in review by top brass – so we are told).   He was clearly in a combat zone, on a combat mission, and we can provide other documentation to support that.

From Tom Wykstra

Mr. Weber – please see the below email exchange between myself and Mr. Branaugh.

Again – we need clarification as to who sets the criteria for the heroes wall – and if the decision is to NOT include Jake, how we might appeal that.  Jake was killed on a combat mission – not much else to say.

Tom Wykstra, Gold Star Father of PFC Jacob Wykstra

Date: Wed, 8 Apr 2015 23:06:33 From: Jim Branaugh

Mr. & Mrs. Wykstra and Ms. Donato,

Thank you for contacting us.

The Fallen Heroes Wall of Honor is owned and maintained wholly by Adams 12 Five Star Schools.

While the Thornton Veterans Memorial Foundation (TVMF) provided guidance into its creation and the criteria used for determining names attached to the memorial, we have no control over the actual display.  We do assist Adams 12 in identifying potential candidates for the Wall of Honor.

The City of Thornton is a non-party to the Wall of Honor and has nothing to do with it and never has.  The Wall of Honor is located inside the Veterans Memorial Aquatics Center; the building and the property it sits on are owned by Adams 12.

The information the DOD released regarding Jake’s loss said it occurred as a result of an “aircraft accident.”  Contemporary news reports at that time indicated the same.  To our knowledge, none of the reports pointed to hostile activity.

As Mr. Webber pointed out in his Jan. 15, 2015 email (below), the criteria that was established for the Wall of Honor was for casualties that met Department of Defense definitions for KIA, MIA, and DWRIA.  The requirements for KIA and DWRIA, again as outlined by the DOD, apply to a “hostile casualty.”

The DOD’s definition of Hostile Casualty states, “A person who is the victim of a terrorist activity or who becomes a casualty “in action.” “In action” characterizes the casualty as having been the direct result of hostile action, sustained in combat or relating thereto, or sustained going to or returning from a combat mission provided that the occurrence was directly related to hostile action.”

Given those public facts and the lack of a Purple Heart award, Mr. Webber was correct in the assessment he provided back in January.  A loss as a result of an “aircraft accident” in its most basic form would not meet the bar.

I mentioned the Purple Heart because that is virtually always awarded to a Hostile Casualty.  As I type this, I don’t know that I have ever heard of the Purple Heart not being awarded in those cases.  The Purple Heart award has always been one of the requirements.

By contrast, while being awarded a Bronze Star is extremely notable, it can be and often is awarded in situations not involving “in action.”

Please know that it is not anyone’s goal to make this difficult for you and your families.  The commentary and decision was based on the information available to TVMF and Adams 12 at the time.

Obviously we all deeply value the service and sacrifice of all service members as is evidenced by the Thornton Veterans Memorial, the Veterans Memorial Aquatics Center and the Fallen Heroes Wall of Honor.

Jake was very clearly an extraordinary young man and one worthy of admiration and every honor possible – there is no doubt about that.  I am sure you can appreciate that it is simply everyone’s desire to keep the spirit and intent of the Wall of Honor intact.  To do otherwise would dishonor those whose names are on it. 

If you have documentation to show Jake was a KIA / Hostile Casualty as defined by the DOD and a recipient of the Purple Heart, I am quite certain that Mr. Webber and Adams 12 would re-evaluate Jake for inclusion on the Wall of Honor.

Respectfully,

Jim Branaugh

From Tom Wykstra, Gold Star Father of PFC Jacob Wykstra

One more point – by your own email, the memorial inside the Aquatics center is called “Fallen Heroes Wall of Honor”.  So this wall is reserved for Heroes – right?   I appreciate your “criteria” and that those who are killed by “hostile action” are indeed heroes – I couldn’t agree more.   I pray for their families.  What about a soldier who is killed trying to save another soldier’s life in a medevac operation.  Is that soldier a hero?

What is offensive – is your recommended criteria that “hostile action” is a requirement – to qualify Jake for the “Heroes Wall”.  And the further suggestion that including Jake on this wall therefore “would dishonor those whose names are on it” – is also offensive.

Jake was in Afghanistan – at war – in a combat zone – was ordered by his Commanders to fly on a late-night mission to rescue other soldiers, had locked/loaded his weapon so he could establish a perimeter to secure the landing zone, by following the order of his Sergeant he had unbuckled his seat harness because they were 30 seconds from landing, and then the helicopter crashed while attempting to land – and he died on that mission.   I’m sorry if you don’t consider that situation – those actions – worthy of a “hero” status.  We do.

Tom Wykstra, Gold Star Father of PFC Jacob Wykstra

—–Original Message—– From: Heidi Katzenbach

Dear Mr. Branaugh,

Your letter is offensive to our family who has suffered a great loss. Your lack of compassion as a veteran is shocking.

I recently spoke to a full-bird Army colonel who bluntly informed us that the Purple Heart is basically given to only those who are shot or blown-up. “Killed in Action” is NOT reserved for only these recipients. Those killed in action are troops deployed to a war zone and killed as a result of any combat situation, even accidents. You are misinformed, or have not taken the time to learn the details of my son’s death. He was killed while on a combat mission when the medevac unit he belonged to was dispatched to recover Afghani casualties. During the mission, his helicopter crashed killing him and wounding 14 others. He was and always has been designated as KIA by everyone but you. Your letter infers that our son’s sacrifice is not worthy of a plaque on the VMAC.

You state, “The DOD’s definition of Hostile Casualty states, “A person who is the victim of a terrorist activity or who becomes a casualty “in action.” “In action” characterizes the casualty as having been the direct result of hostile action, sustained in combat or relating thereto, or sustained going to or returning from a combat mission provided that the occurrence was directly related to hostile action.” If this is the case, then Jacob’s death meets the criteria. You are confusing the Purple Heart award with KIA.

I apologize for my frustration, but your lack of understanding has caused our heart-torn family added grief, as it has only been 10 months since we lost our sweet son.

I received kind and compassionate phone calls today from Tim Shaffer and Ron Webber; therefore I believe this will be rectified. Here are two of many websites that list Jacob as KIA. I can get more if needed.

https://citizenjournalistreview.wordpress.com/us-war-casualties-afghanistan-by-date/   http://www.memorialbracelets.com/details.php?nameID=87593&eventID=19&name=wykstra&category=all&type=lastname&pagenum=1&search=yes

Tomorrow, Mr. Webber will receive information from the Department of the Army and I trust that he will take care of this. It seems this is where the information should have come from in the first place, rather than your personal and inaccurate understanding of the rule.

Heidi Katzenbach, Gold Star Mother of PFC Jacob Wykstra

It seems that the school district is relying on a small group of old veterans (The Thornton Veteran’s Association) from our small town to decide who is deserving to be on the “wall of honor” or if they should be on a brick outside of the building. You have always been designated as KIA by everyone but these people. You belong on a plaque on the inside of the building because you made the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. I love you Jake and this will not end. You will be memorialized as you should be, and I will fight anyone to make sure this happens!