I am back in Iowa and I’m finally happy about it. I feel as though I can be here without feeling guilty about being away from your grave and all of the memorials and memories. Thank you for that. I was so happy to be back in my own bed that I slept 12 hours and I dreamed about you. I can’t remember exactly what it was about, but I do remember pitching a baseball to you and you bunting instead of hitting. You had such a goofy look on your face because you were psyching me out. All I know is that upon waking, I was happy to have had time with you even if it was just a dream.

Today I had my first day without any crying. I still walked around with a rock in my gut and nothing feels right yet, but I didn’t cry. I knew this day would come, but I’m not sure if it feels good or if I feel guilty about not shedding a tear for you.