January 2nd was the day I was looking forward to and today is that day. No more holidays to struggle through and no more painful thoughts of what I was missing without you. I have started a new year without you whether I like it or not, and guess what? I’m doing okay. I have realized how happy I am to leave 2014 behind. The memories of you will always be in my heart, but I am happy to say goodbye to the heartache and the difficulties that came with losing you. This feels like a new beginning, and I will try to embrace it and find happiness during this new year. I know you want that for me and I know that with the help of my Father in Heaven, I will smile more and cry less as time goes on. You inspire me to live a good life and I will try, Jake. I will try to accomplish good things with the time I have in this life and I will pray that you’ll be by my side.
I have frequently prayed to dream about you and you have come to me several times. It feels like such a gift because you are alive. It’s kind of funny that when you were alive and in my dreams, you were always at your currant age. Now, when I dream about you, you come to me at different ages. Sometimes you’re a small child and sometimes a teenager and sometimes an adult, as you were when I saw you last. There is no explanation except that these are blessings from a loving Father in Heaven allowing me to know that you are alive and with me. I am so grateful for this knowledge!
I want you to know that I’m doing okay. Sometimes I still cry over my unfathomable loss, sometimes my eyes well-up with reminders of you, but overall I am learning to exist in a world without you. Of course my world will never be complete, but I will exist with the knowledge that I will see you one day. I can’t wait to hug you again!